Three Reasons Why You Feel Stressed When Trying to Relax

Have you ever tried to relax, only to find yourself overwhelmed with feeling stressed and having negative thoughts? Turns out a lot of us experience this – which is why some have coined it “stresslaxing”.¹⁾Urban Dictionary: Stresslaxing

Even though stresslaxation is a new term, it describes relaxation-induced anxiety which has been studied for years. This is shown to happen to between 30% and 50% of people when they try to do relaxing things, causing symptoms of stress (such as rapid heartbeat or sweating).²⁾Heide, F. J., & Borkovec, T. D. (1983). Relaxation-induced anxiety: Paradoxical anxiety enhancement due to relaxation training. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 51(2), 171–182. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-006X.51.2.171

It’s paradoxical, given people who experience stresslaxation may need to do something relaxing to de-stress. This can turn into a destructive, vicious cycle where they can’t alleviate the stress they’re experiencing – which could result in having more negative emotions and panic attacks.³⁾Ronald Ley, Panic attacks during relaxation and relaxation-induced anxiety: A hyperventilation interpretation, Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, Volume 19, Issue 4, 1988, Pages 253-259, ISSN 0005-7916, https://doi.org/10.1016/0005-7916(88)90054-7.

Not everyone will experience stresslaxation. Some research even suggests people who have anxiety may be more prone to it.⁴⁾Rashtbari, A., & Saed, O. (2020). Contrast avoidance model of worry and generalized anxiety disorder: A theoretical perspective. Cogent Psychology, 7(1). https://doi.org/10.1080/23311908.2020.1800262 But here are just a few of the other reasons why it happens – and what you can do to get over it.

1. You’re denying you’re stressed

Pretending that a problem doesn’t exist – also known as denial – is one of the least effective coping strategies for stress. In the case of stresslaxing, this might be denying you’re stressed to begin with.⁵⁾Dijkstra MT, Homan AC. Engaging in Rather than Disengaging from Stress: Effective Coping and Perceived Control. Front Psychol. 2016 Sep 21;7:1415. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2016.01415.

Short periods of denial can actually help us adapt to change. For example, denial can help a person cope with their emotions after experiencing the death of someone close.⁶⁾Cavalier, Gwendolyn, “Coping Styles Among Adults When Experiencing Coplicated Grief Symptoms During Bereavement” (2020). Symposium Of University Research and Creative Expression (SOURCE). 53. But when denial is used frequently to deal with daily stressors, it can leave people feeling perpetually stuck in a rut.⁷⁾Nielsen M. B. & Knardahl S. (2014). Coping strategies: A prospective study of patterns, stability, and relationships with psychological distress. Scandinavian Journal of Psychology 55, 142–150. https://doi.org/10.1111/sjop.12103

When you’re in denial, your body continues sending stress signals in order to prompt you to take action and resolve your problems. This is why attempting (and failing) to relax instead of actually addressing the causes of your stress can make you feel more stressed out.

Here’s how to fix this:⁸⁾Jamieson JP, Crum AJ, Goyer JP, Marotta ME, Akinola M. Optimizing stress responses with reappraisal and mindset interventions: an integrated model. Anxiety Stress Coping. 2018 May;31(3):245-261. doi: 10.1080/10615806.2018.1442615.

• Acknowledge that the stress symptoms can be helpful. Your body is trying to alert you that a problem needs fixing, so it’s activating all its physiological resources to help you do this. For example, an increased heart rate helps your body carry more oxygenated blood to your brain, so that your brain can come up with a solution quickly to the problems that are causing you stress.
• Write down your deepest thoughts and feelings associated with your stress. This will help you understand the source of your stress so you can tackle it. For example, there’s little point in doing meditation daily to de-stress if the cause of your stress is being overworked. In this case, actually speaking with a manager or colleague to adjust your workload would do more to help relieve your stress than relaxing activities might.
• Think outside the box. When we’re stressed, we might only think certain activities (such as exercise) can help us relax. But speaking to friends or family, or using an app or online resource, might be a better way to address your stress and help you feel better.

2. You’re worrying about what other people will say

Most of us have something we’re passionate about – whether that’s our work or even a hobby. But the reason you’re motivated to do these things is important.

Some people pursue their passion because they want to – whether that’s to improve themselves or learn a new skill. But others may only pursue their passion because they want recognition from other people. People with certain personality types may be more prone to obsessing over their passion.⁹⁾Julien Dalpé, Martin Demers, Jérémie Verner-Filion, Robert J. Vallerand, From personality to passion: The role of the Big Five factors, Personality and Individual Differences, Volume 138, 2019, Pages 280-285, ISSN 0191-8869, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2018.10.021
Marc-André K. Lafrenière, Jocelyn J. Bélanger, Constantine Sedikides, Robert J. Vallerand, Self-esteem and passion for activities, Personality and Individual Differences, Volume 51, Issue 4, 2011, Pages 541-544, ISSN 0191-8869, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2011.04.017

Others may simply follow a certain pursuit to get praise from their colleagues or even to prove their worth to friends or family.

The problem with pursuing a passion for the wrong reason is that it can cause a person to push themselves to the limit¹⁰⁾Akehurst S, Oliver EJ. Obsessive passion: a dependency associated with injury-related risky behaviour in dancers. J Sports Sci. 2014;32(3):259-67. doi: 10.1080/02640414.2013.823223. – which could mean working despite being sick, or not taking time off to de-stress. This can make it difficult and stressful to relax – like you’re wasting time that could be spent pursuing your passion when you try doing relaxing things.¹¹⁾Carpentier, J., Mageau, G.A. & Vallerand, R.J. Ruminations and Flow: Why Do People with a More Harmonious Passion Experience Higher Well-Being?. J Happiness Stud 13, 501–518 (2012). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-011-9276-4 You might even be worried that people will think badly of you for taking time off. Ultimately, this can negatively affect well-being.¹²⁾Vallerand, R.J. The role of passion in sustainable psychological well-being. Psych Well-Being 2, 1 (2012). https://doi.org/10.1186/2211-1522-2-1

For people who feel like this, taking a short “mental break” from what you’re passionate about may be helpful.¹³⁾de Jonge J, Balk YA, Taris TW. Mental Recovery and Running-Related Injuries in Recreational Runners: The Moderating Role of Passion for Running. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. 2020; 17(3):1044. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph17031044 The break doesn’t have to be long, nor does it have to involve doing something you necessarily see as relaxing. But taking even short breaks may help you to eventually feel that it’s okay to take time away from your passion every now and again to de-stress and relax.

3. You can’t make up your mind

When making a decision, some people can’t help but explore all possible options available to them – known as maximizing thoughts. This can even happen when trying to pick something relaxing to do. Even after picking something, you may instead think about the other options, wondering if something else would’ve helped you feel more relaxed. So instead of relaxing your mind, you’re stressing yourself even more.

Unfortunately, maximizing leads to self-blame regret, no matter what option we choose. It’s also sometimes associated with lower wellbeing.¹⁴⁾Bruine de Bruin W, Parker AM, Strough J. Choosing to be happy? Age differences in “maximizing” decision strategies and experienced emotional well-being. Psychol Aging. 2016 May;31(3):295-300. doi: 10.1037/pag0000073.

For a person who has a habit of maximizing, they may be thinking of all the other things they have to do that day instead of actually relaxing – which may lead to feelings of stress.

Here’s how to work through this:¹⁵⁾Bruine de Bruin W, Parker AM, Strough J. Choosing to be happy? Age differences in “maximizing” decision strategies and experienced emotional well-being. Psychol Aging. 2016 May;31(3):295-300. doi: 10.1037/pag0000073.

• Limit the number of decisions you need to make on the day you want to do something relaxing. Or even plan when you’re going to do something relaxing (such as watching a movie) and how long you’re going to do it for. This may make it easier to relax when the time comes as you’ll know you aren’t putting other things off.
• Remember why you’re trying to relax. Your health is important, so remembering this may help you feel less stressed while trying to do a relaxing activity.

On the bright side, even if relaxation causes anxiety, it can still have a positive effect on mental health¹⁶⁾Newman, M. G., Lafreniere, L. S., & Jacobson, N. C. (2016). Relaxation-induced anxiety: Effects of peak and trajectories of change on treatment outcome for generalized anxiety disorder. Psychotherapy Research, 28(4), 616–629. https://doi.org/10.1080/10503307.2016.1253891 – and may even help you grow as a person.¹⁷⁾Kim, Hanjoo & Newman, Michelle. (2019). The paradox of relaxation training: Relaxation induced anxiety and mediation effects of contrast sensitivity in generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder.. Journal of Affective Disorders. 259. doi: 10.1016/j.jad.2019.08.045. The most crucial thing is finding a relaxing activity you enjoy. Whether that’s cooking, gardening or even running, it’s important that it helps you switch off from your day’s stress.

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.